horoscope

"You can make all the changes you want to make in your life, you just have to start."


"Take care of that problem at home -- whether it's a leaky faucet or an impossible child. Your energy is best spent in domestic issues and if all seems to be doing fine, you're off the hook."

earth day art show

My first attempt at graphic design, for my upcoming art show. I am pretty happy with it.

Gallo thoughts

Getting out of work at least 4 nights a week past 2am has only increased my night time wine habit. Have to wind down some way. Work has been exhausting lately....
I met with a newspaper editor today about doing some freelance work. He was really impressed with my work which is hugely flattering, kept telling me I have quite an eye. I'm hoping to find some random Charleston inspiration and see where it leads me, hopefully to my first newspaper publication.

I'm watching Shopgirl currently, there is something so simple, a little bit boring, but sincere that I like about it. I think Claire Danes is perfect for the character.

I'm still not sure about my long term plans in Charleston, but I do know I need some to take advantage of the sunshine, I need a nice afternoon of just lying in the sun.

inspiration from the past

Spent time my good friend last night for a late night cap. Toasted a Manhatten in my grandma's honor. I have been drinking Manhattens all weekend, and I don't see it stopping anytime soon. It is a rough drink but I am finding comfort in it. My grandparents were married for 63 years, and I think they ended their nights every night with a manhatten for about 60 of those years! Maybe that's why they were always so cheery! I have been sifting through pictures after pictures of every generation growing up. I really love old black and white photos they are just so beautiful especially in this digital photoshop age. I think I want to have some slightly restored and blown up, maybe I could have my first solo show inspired by old family photos...it is definitely worth looking into.

tuesday blur

wow it's been a while...this weekend has made me question everything. I was getting things in line in Chas, new apt, work, window displays, a possible two art shows in April, our marketing guy has even taken me under his wing and is putting my name out there to be a freelance photographer. He has contacted 3-4 magazines/newspapers about me. I have heard back from all of them and one has even seen my photos and is really impressed. It looks like I will have some freelance work. Sounds great right. Well this weekend put everything into perspective with the passing of my grandma. It was sudden and for the most part out of the blue. One of the reasons I moved home was to be closer to family. My Italian side of my family is small, but close. This death has been hard, our family has been the same group for so long, there has been no spouses, no babies, and until this weekend no one has left...For the past 5+ years of being away from home, so much of my family has slipped away from me, things have changed, everyone has grown older. I'm not good keeping in contact. And a part of me always feels like something is missing when I am far from home. My oldest cousin was joking with me...."don't you just hate the family sometimes because you feel like you can't just move far away and be alright..." And it's true, a part of me will always be missing when I am far from home.
But I am so grateful for the family I have, and the older I have grown I have become more sentimental about them. I am not sure how my grandpa is going to handle this, and I don't want to get another phone call like that when I am in Charleston. Maybe I need to pull out of Charleston before my work roots get too deep there. Maybe it's time to establish myself in NY...

sunday night cupcake

Sara, who I am crashing with turned 24 last Thursday. I made her cupcakes (which I am enjoying a delicious one now) and I must say I make a mean cupcake, it could be a great thing for my coffee shop endeavours.

This weekend was the Food and Wine Festival in Charleston, Bobby Flay was there, I saw Richard Blaze from afar...I worked our booth Saturday afternoon, helping prepare our Roman Flatbread app. I was pretty much bent over, putting proscuitto and shaved parm on little flatbreads for about three hours straight, but it was fun. Friday night was one of the quarterly art walks, so free wine, free food, and art galleries open late is always a good time.

One of the owners of Mellow was in this weekend, he wanted to talk to me about my future with Mellow (just a job, or a possible career) but attempted to have the talk at about 2:30a.m, well 3:30 with the clock change. To my surprise I will be headed to Atlanta in a week for about 2-3 weeks to participate in the Mellow Mushroom franchise training program. I'm nervous I am getting in too deep, but I'm excited to get put up in a hotel for a few weeks and be able to explore Atlanta. And it never hurts to be trained on business administration, but I do have a feeling the classes are going to be booooooring! But there is also a week in the kitchen which should be fun. I do think it would be a fun life skill to know how to throw a pie. I move into the apt in 2 days...I am excited for that. We will see where the next couple of weeks takes me.

late night wine and chocolate

Tonight at work, a friend of mine (a very intoxicated friend of mine) started yelling at me, she told me how she really hated that I didn't put myself out there in the art world, how I am talented but lack the confidence (which is completely true I am not very confident in my art ability, and it will always hold me back) She yelled at me for my full time job being a restaurant manager, and how photography had taken a backseat and had become a hobby. She yelled at me for not taking risks and going after what I want because I have a good family I can fall back on. She is amazing, she is in her thirties and is a widow. It took her some time to get back on her feet but she really has an amazing outlook on life, and I need to use her words as my drive. I am playing it safe, doing a job I am not passionate about but I am good at. Of course I have a million excuses, but it's true I have not really put myself out there. Even in the art shows I have put on, I hang my photos last and they get hung just where there is room.
Our April show I already know what pieces I am hanging, and they will get hung first I have decided. Also March 10th, is the last day to submit photos to the citypaper photo contest, and I have nothing to lose...

So I have been researching different art jobs, specially at like home decor stores, and I know I just signed a lease, but I am still going to apply for a job back in Rochester, to be the visual coordinator of the Pottery Barn, not sure if it is the same job a friend of mine interviewed for, but I am applying because it never hurts. I need to stop holding myself back, and I need to stop pleasing others and start pleasing myself. Mellow is a good opportunity but if I find a better one, it would be in my best interest to take it. And in the mean time I need to get my charger back and take more photos.

day off

Well it's official I am back in the working world, I received a paycheck yesterday (a little paycheck) and I have already worked 30hrs this week. Needless to say I slept in hardcore this morning. I picked up an extra shift Monday night, and last night, it's hard not to when I am trying to get back on my feet. I signed a lease on Tuesday, which I was very hesitant about yet very excited about. I think I will feel better about moving back here when I am in my own place. A bed to call my own, my photos hung on the wall, a cupboard that holds coffee that is not decaf...
Tonight there is an art show at the Tin Roof, featuring some of the underground Charleston artists I have had in my shows, and tomorrow there is a wine tasting so I think my two days off will be well spent.
Time to venture out for coffee, then some laundry and tv shows to catch up on.

Friday night

I had a busy morning, hence the not even midnight and bedtime is on my mind. I work up early to look again at an apt, filled out an application for the apt, then had a mini meeting with some managers, followed by my first serving shift in months, then back to my car to collect the lovely 3 parking tickets. Sweet. It didn't take too much convincing to make a trip to Total Wine tonight. So I have decided a few things, I will be living in Charleston, for possibly up to a year, and in this time I need to set myself up for the next step. I want to look into possibly being certified to teach, and I have also been thinking about Interior Design again, as a masters or just as a certificate. I have been job hunting and coming across interior design jobs, or visual management, or design coordinator...all of which intrigue me. I heard that my friend in the Roc, had an interview at Pottery Barn to be like a visual manager, I am not gonna lie I am a little jealous, and need to discuss this job with him.
I have an interview at Baked tomorrow, they are looking for a part-time barista, a skill I have always wanted to have on my resume, seeing as I want to open a cafe some day. So we will see how part time they are talking, I could definitely use another paycheck. And piggybacking on Kal, my summer trip will either be Cali or Chicago...(maybe both?)

optimistic in the a.m

I swear waking up early in the morning, really makes the day seem like it has more possibility. (crazy concept I know) I slept on James Island last night after hanging at a friends place, the late night thunder storm made me not want to drive home. I went to bed late, I woke up early and for the most part have kept going. I looked at an apt today, it was so freaking cute, it didn't hurt that its current tenant is an Interior Designer with her own business, sure enough she took a shitty apt and made it cute. Down falls include no washer/dryer, and no dishwasher, but the upsides are a good price in a great area, it's on the second floor, set back from the street, it has a semi-private porch, great views and it's just girly and cute! The problem is my potential roommate works like 12 hr days, and I'm still unsettled and I'm afraid someone else will get it. I might call the landlord and see if I can set a date for a lease signing, for like Mon...so I can get my name in, and not fully commit til Mon.
(yeah I know I don't live in the real world, but my world is so much more flexible to my needs!)
Oh and I am feeling ballsy today after talking to some people. I am going to arrange a meeting with the GM, and I am not going to take no for an answer. Before I get on the schedule I need to make sure this move works financially for me right off the bat, I need to know if I would need a second job or if starting next week I will be making what he promised. I need answers! And it's about time I grew up and took my life into my own hands.

City Lights

City Lights is by far one of my favorite places in Charleston. It's small, sometimes cramped but so cute, with delicious coffee, an excellent place for people watching, art on the walls, live music, and great people who work there. I just enjoy it. I have spent much time here contemplating life! This week I have found myself reflecting on "do what you have to do" that seems to be the exact phrase everyone in my family (mom, sister, cousins) have been echoing in my ear. And for the first time in my life I understand that aspect, but do I stay in Charleston where I have a job, but will be struggling to get by for the first few months, with rent, and loans, and bills, not to mention all the driving i am doing in all this traffic I feel like I am watching my gas race down to empty...or do I move back, live at home (rent free, security deposit free) and get a job serving tables and work towards saving money instead of scraping to get by. hmmmmmmmmmmm. There is two sides to every story isn't there. Yin and Yang, my friend Yin and Yang, and I can't seem to find the balance.
Oh and rumor has it (notice how it is always rumor because no one seems to want to talk directly to me) that I am being put on the schedule next week...I'm still annoyed, and at this point have to do what is best for me, and if that's leaving, well I guess that sucks for them.
For now I will enjoy my coffee, and some music.

blah

I am upset at the Bachelor, all along he was making the right decisions until last night. I almost don't want to watch anymore, I don't think either of the last two are good for him, but it sounds like the finale will be a good one. That has been my life, watching the Bachelor find the missing part of his. Work last night, made me question staying here. I was stressed out trying to figure out how I am going to financially move back, I'm annoyed that I have been here a week and still don't feel settled in staying down here, and then I went into work last night and got a reaction I was not expecting. I know it was stress related, and miscommunication, and I should not take it personal, but in a way I still will. Anyway I'm tired of sitting around and waiting on him. I'm going to start collecting my things...
The friend I am going to live with if I stay is pretty set on the apt we looked at yesterday, it's pretty ghetto from the outside but pretty nice, and pretty huge on the inside, but I'm not sure that the stress in the first few months is going to be worth it. I seem to have already lost my enthusiasm for being back, and I am not sure I will be able to get it back. I feel disconnected with Charleston, so that might be the sign that I am ready to leave it all behind me.

work.

So tomorrow night I am working...yes it's weird to say after 3+ months of unemployment. It happened a little weird, one manager has already asked me to cover his shift. So I am still not on the schedule. I am relieved to actually go to work, but I am left with a strange desire to get in my car and just drive, drive away, drive all the way back to NY, tonight! I have serious commitment issues, I am well aware.

like coffee from a stranger

Yesterday while standing in line at the Starbucks at a Barnes and Noble, a complete stranger bought my coffee for me, I barely had time to react when I realized what was happening that he wished me an early Valentines and rushed out the door. It really made me day, it really is the little things. It has motivated me to do little random acts of kindness. To support the little things in life.

Still in Charleston, feeling out the same water, big toe in, big toe out...repeat.
I feel like I am always waiting, and I'm sick of waiting, but it's hard to go after something that you don't know. How can I go after what I want when I haven't figured it out yet. The time is coming. My pluses for the day I sold three prints today to a friend, it was rewarding, she was really happy with the prints and was giving one to her boyfriend for Valentines. I sabotage my relationships so I am glad I helped her give the perfect gift. Saw He's Just Not that Into You...I haven't laughed that much at a movie in forever. I really enjoyed it. Just hopefully I won't use it to over analyze even more but I fear it is too late.
Goodnight to this not wonderful but pretty decent Valentines Day.

Hello Charleston!

Charleston did greet me with sunny days and perfect 60 degrees weather. I've been a little shady, slightly avoiding the restaurant. Apparently there is a lot of talk about me, and the plans they have for me, which of course scares me. I have serious commitment issues. I want to be a free spirit and come and go as I please, but my rooted bills beg to differ with my head in the clouds. Pizza is not my passion, but it is a good job, it has room for growth if I desire...I do have this strange love with the company...
it's hard to grow up and have your dreams crash into reality...I can't seem to merge the two. I've been thinking about Providence lately, I would move back to that city, but the question remains do I want to commit myself to Chas, for a year. Which in the big picture is not long, but for a 25yr old unsettled college grad, it seems like a life-time. I'm just not sure I want to stay here but I feel like I am already in too deep so maybe I should just go with it. And then there is the boy in Myrtle. I really think I ran away up north and left some baggage down here, that I am not ready to deal with. Well I am going to finish my iced coffee at City Lights. (I did miss this place) And I am going to put on my grown-up pants and head to Mellow. Not sure where my head is but I can't keep avoiding it. It's strange the two managers pushing me to be on the schedule are the two who are planning on leaving/cutting back... I am a little nervous they may just put me on it, which would be the typical not having to make a decision,decision.
stay tuned to the unstable mess that is my life. Will I stay or will I flee...

what are you passion about...

We all know by now, I am unemployed with lots of time to sit around and think. According to my twentysomething book, that is a good thing, to take time for yourself, to really get to know yourself and what you want out of life. Not gonna lie it's hard and it kind of sucks, I just want to be working around the clock and not focus on myself. But in reality, that won't make me happy, living out someone else's dream, the way I see it life is too short to not live out your passion. (something about watching the Bachelor makes me want to live passionately, find a career I am passionate about, find a person I am passionate about, have a life I am passionate about, I'm twentysomething and I want it all) The problem is I haven't quite figured out what I am passionate about doing...there's no doubt two of my passions are art and traveling. I want to work hard around the clock so I can take a two week vacation somewhere I have never been before. I want to have art in my daily life, but what aspect of it...art teacher, interior designer, art buyer, art curator. I have secretly been regretting giving up on going to school for interior design, I think there would have been a lot more I could have done with it than what I had originally thought. I had an unfortunate realization last night that I went to college for an absolutely worthless major. Studio Art, with no minor is worthless, and even worse is my concentration was in photography, b&w in the darkroom. We are in 2009, darkrooms are pretty much extinct. Maybe my passion could be teaching the lost art of the magic of a darkroom...
Upon my many debates to be an art teacher or not, I have found I am not inspired by cold schools, drab colors, cold tile floors, a lack of sunshine and fresh air, so I thought it would be fun to get an artist grant to feng shui schools, well Kleinman enlightened me that there is a program in NYC, Publicolor. It sounds amazing, granted NYC is expensive...and it can eat a person alive, however they are only hiring for Saturdays.
I think I would love to do something like that.
I guess this week I have been questioning the whole move back down south. Am I passionate about MM, and Chas. Do I want to spend another year of my life focusing my energy there? Or do I find a whatever job here, so I can save up money and travel, to Europe, to San Fran, Seattle, Portland, Vancouver, Chicago...etc etc etc And maybe along with way I will find my passion. Some many questions, so little time, so very few answers...

DianaF+

Kal's photos inspired me to break out my Diana F+, and figure out what I was doing wrong with it.
I wasted about 6 photos (out of 12!) but I finally was able to take my Diana out for a spin. I still have two more rolls to play around with, as well as some other film I can put in my fish eyed camera, or my 35mm. Just because I cannot use my digital I have about 3 other cameras I can use. I hate that I got sucked into the digital world and neglected my film cameras. The 40+degree day also added to my desire to wander around and take some photos. I went to Towpath Coffee (orig Fairport coffee) and had some delicious cinnamon hazelnut coffee, took a few photos in there and read a little.
I am giving myself one more week before I head south, I have some loose ends to tie up, and I need to make sure that this is 100% what I want to do. I need to be fully able to commit myself to Mellow, and to Chas for another year otherwise I am wasting my time, as well as their time. Another highlight of this Sunday, Bo is whipping up some chicken wing dip in honor of the game! Yum! Go Cards....gotta root for the underdogs!

thursday never looking back

In typical me fashion, the butterflies have grown as quickly as the doubt. After talking to a friend/coworker last night it seems this starving artist will have a job back at the old digs in Charleston. Now I should feel thrilled and relieved but I feel a little anxious. The job that I am going to be signing my life away for the next year is going to be a little more intense than I had thought. I am signing up to be the boss lady boss lady, like schedule making, payroll taking, hiring, firing, paperwork...and that makes me nervous. It was an unanimous decision that everyone there decided I was most trustworthy and the best candidate for the job. The good news is all the responsibility will come with a bigger paycheck, but I will be held way more accountable and that is scary. I was just watching the new scrubs,(Dr. Cox has been recommended to be the chief of medicine and had initially turned it down) and I realized I don't want to go through life holding myself back because of my doubts and insecurities. Maybe that's why boys seems to succeed in businesses, they don't have insecurities and doubts flooding their brainwaves, their minds just don't chemically work that way. I honestly think that is why I have never pursued being an art teacher, or why I did poorly in college as an art student. I am my own worst critic. I never feel good enough in the art world, and I have such a passion for art it is way too scary for me to really put myself out there, what if...
Well in compliance with Yes Man, I have been given an opportunity and I am going to say yes to it...so let's see where the next year takes me.

Etsy

Kristin was the one who introduced me to Etsy. I'm definitely addicted to it. It is full of handmade artwork, from jewelry to household items, to clothing. I received my first purchase today, a ring with cameras on it from Dillon Designs, as well as a rainbow brite necklace from Heart Sized Crush

I like supporting "local" handmade art, and both pieces were under $10. I like to think buying art will improve my karma when I am trying to sell my photos. I did send my new website,(acandela.carbonmade.com) to a new store opening in Rochester and is looking for two artists to display and sell their work. Not sure what they are looking for but thought it was worth a shot. (Pun not intended) When I'm ready to up the stakes I have my eye on a metal ring, I have been on the hunt for a new one. It's from Stellasilver, and it's called Preppy Plaid!


I wandered Michael's the other day when I was bored, I could have done some damage there, but I resisted and just bought some hemp and beads, (man it is nasty outside with snow and wind) so I'm hibernating today, I drank coffee and watched Weeds earlier and now it's time to make some hemp bracelets.

It's noon on saturday

"Listen if that voice in your head tells you to power through -- and take action!
Overview
You know that what you're feeling is right, but it may be hard to convince anyone else. See if you can get your friends to at least agree with you in principle, but you can't expect much more than that"

This is what my yahoo horoscope says today...it even seems like my horoscope is trying to kick me in the ass...I'm beginning to feel like nothing feels right. It's noon on Sat and I'm ready for a cocktail. Well maybe a second cup of coffee will do.

Just dance...

Ellen has become a part of my daily unemployed routine. (btw it is Friday and I never did hear back from that job, even though two weeks later I was still supposedly in the running) Anyway, I could watch Ellen dance all day, she has been added to my list, Conan will always have the top spot, but she is next in line.
So Valentines Day is of course the next holiday in line. This year I am embracing this day, well or the build up to the day. I love holidays I feel like there is so much baggage in the world I will take any reason to celebrate. It's all about the little things, I was wandering Target the other day and I was sad I didn't have my own place because I would have gone to town with heart shower curtains, and rugs and towels. I do think I need these mugs...

It's the little things, I want to wake up, make coffee and drink it out of these cute mugs, I think it would be a great way to start the day! The one thing I do hate about Valentines Day is I hate how some people get so upset about it. Why can't it be like when we were younger and excited about passing out Valentines in school. I have decided I am totally making Valenines this year, feel free to send me your address! I am pretty much single and I plan to embrace this holiday, I plan to embrace the hearts, and candy, and red and pink, maybe make some pink cupcakes, why not. In a way I would rather be single on vday I feel like sometimes there is way too much pressure if you are in a relationship, or at least I have thought so. Hopefully I will find myself at an art show at Mellow taking Lady Gaga's advice.

Pumpkin Enzyme Peel

For Christmas my sister gave me a gift card to Sephora. Sephora is new to me, exciting, overwhelming...so I started off with a *free* consultation. Skin and makeup! To be honest I enjoyed the skin consultation more than the make-up one. My make-up lady was super nice but frankly asked me too many questions. Hello I am coming to you, I obviously don't know about make-up and what looks good on me, or what I want, you are suppose to show me. With my sister in tow I did end up using my gift card on eye shadows and lip gloss...now if only I had somewhere to be! But my absolute favorite part was the Pumpkin Enzyme Peel
What it is:
A detoxifying peel for the face and neck.

What it is formulated to do:
Utilizing pumpkin enzymes to easily and gently dissolve dead surface skin cells, this deep exfoliator stimulates cellular turnover, to reveal radiant skin that is supple and naturally hydrated. Age-fighting anti-oxidants and vitamin A help protect, nourish, and repair skin. Plus it has a delicious, irresistible pumpkin scent.



it smelled delicious, felt delicious...looked delicious, not too mention my skin felt amazing afterwards. I have terribly dry and sensitive skin, and this harsh dry winter weather that I am not used to is throwing everything off balance. Unfortunately I am jobless and broke, but once I am not this peel is definitely on my short list. It is a bit pricey for what I normally spend on this type of product ($45) but I think it will be well worth it in the long run.

somewhere stuck in the middle

I should feel relief but it is quickly met with insecurity and doubt. I should maybe catch you up. So I e-mailed my interviewer back, after much deliberation with my parents about what to say. She responded quite promptly saying she had yet another week of interviews and I should know by next Friday. To be quite honest I am over it. I finally decided I am going to head back to Charleston. I messed up the move home, I waited too long, and left half of my belongings behind. Once the gm put in my head he wanted to pay me more to come back, I left Chas physically but not mentally, and it has been holding me back ever since. I feel defeated in NY. I feel torn. I'm anxious and can't sleep. So I am venturing back. If for nothing else to collect the rest of my things...I think I am going to apply to grad school and in order to do that I need my art to make a portfolio. So I need to go to Chas. I would like to set up camp there for a bit but I am going to need a place to live and a place to work, both which are up in the air. I am just ready to move on from this...place I am in. So I will either find my life back in Chas, or officially move back from Chas and move on.

job shmob (part two)

Apparently the Little didn't want me, I saw today they posted an ad on craigslist. Now it wasn't my dream job, I was hesitant about the pay especially, but out of my limited interests in places to work in the Roc, it was actually on the list. I am debating writing her an e-mail (I don't have a phone number) just following up. Thoughts???
So as of right now, I am thinking I will be back to Chas by SuperBowl. (Feb 1) And depending on how it goes, I can move back to the Roc during the summer, or end up in Chas for another year. I think I am going to apply to RIT for grad school. Being an elementary art teacher still interests me so I might as well see what I can do to make that happen....interests I still have is to open up my own cafe. (Or Mellow depending on my father) Or maybe in Chas I will move to corporate Mellow. I think the point is I am young and I still have options, so I might as well explore as many as possible.

just letting paint dry

I am painting the stark white walls in my parents family room a much warmer beige color. Bramble Beige to be exact. I have always wondered who's job it is to name the paint colors, I am quite fascinated by the names. And I can't pick a color with a stupid name. There is something very satisfying for me putting a new color of paint on the wall. Not white though I just dislike white walls. I lived in one apt where everything was white, white walls, white trim, white bathroom, white fireplaces, even our couch was an off white. White to me (referring to paint on a wall) is cold, uninspiring and boring. Or let's put it this way I have yet to be proven wrong. I love a white trim, or white curtains, but just not a complete wall. I'd rather see a beige or gray color than white. (I started off as an interior design major, I've always had an interest in decorating, my hs bedroom was rearranged all the time and went through a few color changes) Not to mention the temperature is in the single digits, so you bet I am not leaving the house, I'm in hibernation mode. Which leads me to the next topic. Capital T, capital V. Now I have been talking about this being my year of discovery, but I have discovered the more I have going on the more I do, the less I have going on the less I do. Over these past few months I think I have at least checked out every program on television. Now in my parents house I am limited to just a few channels, but then again thanks to the wonderful world of the net I can watch a lot of shows online. But still I can't fully blame the insane amount of tv shows I know about, on myself. In NYC I found myself watching my cousins picks, which pretty much consisted of Vh1. I watched it all, Scream Queens, A Real Chance of Love (or something life that) Rock of Love Charm school, Celebrity Rehab, and Paris trying to find a best friend. Can't say it was quality tv, but maybe addictive. My best friend, slightly added to the list with 30 Rock, the City, and Biggest Loser. Then there are the shows I watch with my parents, NCIS, The Mentalist... And now the CW is seeping into my routine. 90210, Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill, not to mention my own shows, Greys, Scrubs, Betty, Private Practice, How I Met your Mother, The yummy new Bachelor caught my eye, and now I even have American Idol on (But if I get to watch a season with some eye candy like David Cook, not all is lost.) When will it stop! I need to get a job soon, or a social life to end the bad tv watching. So my year of discovery so far I am discovering all the different tv shows out there! At least I have not gotten hooked on any soap operas, that's when you know there is an issue. Maybe I should blog on tv shows, at least I could feel more productive.
Can I just say I HATE the beginging of American Idol. I hate watching all the terrible singers, who think they are good, or just want some tv time.
I have been kind of waiting this week, for two things to happen. If I get the job at the Little, I should be hearing about it this week. And my gm from Mellow is suppose to be calling me, so let's hope by the weekend with more direction to it.

twenty something twenty everything

I finally crawled under my bed to dig out my book that fell a few weeks ago. My secret santa gave me Twenty Something, Twenty Everything, by Christine Hassler. Kristin was the one who told me about the book. From this first page I can tell it's going to be one of those life-changing books. I knew who I was in high school. Loved my friends, loved playing soccer, had a great up bringing. I guess ever since graduating high school my life has been a little erratic. Mercyhurst for a year, Americorps for a year, home for a few months, Plattsburgh for a few months, and then down to Charleston. And now here I am 25, jobless, living at home, with a B.A. in studio art. Turning 25 is when the panic set in, I had finally graduated and was working in a restaurant far from home. Not really what I had in mind when I was 25, so I moved home. A little over a week ago is when the real anxiety set in, the Holidays were over, my grace period was running out. I was so upset people were asking what was wrong... I think Hassler said it best, nothing is really wrong, but nothing really feels right either...
It appears I am a starving artist going through a twenty-something crisis. I feel like 23yr old Loren "everything in her life seems out of control, as if she were standing in the middle of a circle with every aspect of her life that she loves (such as her family) and everything she is searching for (such as a career) spinning wildly around her. I am trying to grab on to anything but it keeps slipping through my fingers."
I feel older for the first time in my life, and I feel the need to have it all. I am acting like my next step may have life-long consequences. My friend Sara made me realize I am planning my next 6-18 months, not my life. I think this book will really help me not feel so alone and clueless. Lately I even feel like the the first time my best friend and I are not on the same page, she's living with her fiance and going to grad school. To me even that feels miles ahead of where I am. Going to Charleston will be alright, and staying here will be alright. Just making a final decision this week will put me at ease.
In other news, I bought paint today to paint my family room, and my father has commissioned me for a small art project. Regardless of where I end up, or what I end up doing, I need to find ways to create art, and feel inspired to keep me balanced and happy, at least that is a start...

sunday someday

so the job interview went really well, the theatre is artsy right up my alley, I would be on my feet pretty much being boss lady...BUT and there is one, the pay is shitty. And only one week paid vacation doesn't allow much flexibility for travel, or even long weekends. And I don't think it can help me too much in the long run...so that's where we stand.
Have I mentioned I hate the winter...apparently this is one of the worst ones the Roc has seen in a few years. It figures it's the winter I try to move home. Last night I felt like I was pleading for my life as I tried to drive my little car home. I would turn a corner and end up sideways. Stopping at red lights were a nightmare because then I had to get started again which meant barely touching the gas and i was sliding all over the place. I think I held my breath the whole way home. And yeah it's pretty snow but I'm over it, it's not like I can use my camera, and if I could it is cold and I fear for my life when I have to drive in it. (Confident winter driver I know, I'm confident in myself just not in my little Sunfire) And the worst part is there is a solid 3 more months of this. So I think you know what I am thinking...

job shmob

so I have an interview today at the Little, an independent movie theatre, my interview is at the cafe to be the assistant manager. Apparently the cafe doesn't even open until 5, so it would be all night shifts and I would have Thurs and Sun off. So we'll see how it goes, and see what kind of pay it would be. They have rotating art shows there, however they are more in the box than what the Mellow shows were. Part of me thinks I should just get in my car and drive down there, and either pack up my things and be done or work it out....First things first, let's see how the Little turns out to be. It's also getting time for that famous saying....shit or get off the pot. (I do seem to have a hard time with that!) And I think everyone around me is sicking of hearing about Charleston....well wish me luck

Turmoil Thursday...

So I was pretty decided on going back to Charleston, (this starving artist is not starving, but I am definitely ignoring certain unknown callers) maybe I moved back up north and decided I don't want to grow up and be an adult just yet, Charleston was my way back to being young and clueless but it didn't matter. I had painted myself a pretty little picture, but of course things never really go as planned. Things have changed slightly which could put a damper in my plans. I still have a few more people to talk to...
I a going to apply to a few jobs in the Roc, in the meantime I need some sort of cash flow, if I end up in Chas in Feb so be it, but I still have this month to worry about.
Maybe I will find nothing and I know I will at least have something in Chas, or maybe I will find a job I love (maybe that's wishful thinking) or maybe I will work for a bit and then something will come my way...

Obstacles are a natural part of life, just as boulders are a natural part of the course of a river," notes the ancient Chinese book the I Ching. "The river does not complain or get depressed because there are boulders in its path." I'd go so far to say -- this is not in the original text, but is my 21st-century addition -- that the river gets a sensual thrill as it glides its smooth current over the irregular shapes and hard skin of the rocks. It looks forward to the friction, exults in the intimate touch, loves the drama of the interaction. Sound like a pleasure you'd like to cultivate, Leo? It's an excellent time to try it.

that is what my horoscope says according to the Charleston City Paper, I can't tell if it is mocking me.....it does seem eerily fitting though. In yahoo I am told to turn to "my people" in dire times, they have more insight to offer than I think...now who are my people, my family, my little shroomers...whom I ask you!

2009 horoscope

I've been a way for a while sulking in a black hole of self misery. Being home in my old bedroom has been messing with my mind, it also doesn't help that I have too much time to think. However according to my 2009 horoscope 2009 is going to be a good year, I just have to dig myself out of this slump first and get a game plan second.

http://shine.yahoo.com/page/2009-horoscope/
Year 2009 Leo

Career
As you help others in your work, you find balance in your own life and, as a result, financial opportunities arise. You are far from conventional, and this helps you have no fear in starting new projects and developingways for making a good living.
You are able to make major changes in your career without completely eliminating your current foundation. During the summer, career advancements streamline as greater responsibility and commitment come your way. This is an excellent time to focus on your ideals for social progress, and actualize them in a public sphere.
As a Leo, you have the communication skills required to bring new opportunities for growth. This year, you easily visualize new possibilities and eliminate potential roadblocks. Your co-workers appreciate your leadership skills and respect your ability to bring people and resources together for positive change. You may be conservative financially while learning to carve out ways of meeting your material needs, but you continue to draw greater resources to you to serve the greater good.

Year 2009 Romantic

You feel as if you're reaping the harvest this year in your relationships. Socially, your connections are very positive and your altruistic, visionary personality brings you a great circle of friends. Very strong and intuitive, your sense of self-worth in a close relationship makes it a very loving and secure one -- your main focus for some time now. Your enthusiasm bubbles over as an intimate relationship blossoms, and the challenges of constructive communication become easier and easier.
Energetically, you are uplifted when you choose to be in a relationship and master the art of accepting someone as they are. In the springtime, your focus may shift to marriage as many blessings come your way, giving you opportunities to experience conscious acts of sharing, cooperation and honor. Things may seem to move fast, but if you go with the flow, you'll gain confidence in your progress.
Much healing takes place when you have someone close to share your life with. Reap the rewards, and you will encounter feelings that will become the basis for far-reaching transformation in your life -- and in that of others as well. Leo's need to be in charge is no problem, because you and your partner are energetically and equally matched. Be grateful for the love and growth you are experiencing -- both metaphysically and spiritually."

So my career sounds like Mellow, i think I can find balance and happiness there for another year, (I had to return a movie to blockbuster, and upon return I tried to turn down my street and slid all the way past it, not to mention the fishtailing my car does when it is stopped at a red light and then forced to go at green...I have had it with the winter blues) I like the idea of new projects which can be translated to more art shows, and maybe branching out to other venues outside of Mellow. Maybe Mellow can lead to more...
And then there is my love life, apparently this spring there will be marriage talk? That is hard to believe considering I am not in a relationship where marriage talk in the spring would make sense, but then again it said things will go fast and to just go with it. So we shall see...