tuesday blur

wow it's been a while...this weekend has made me question everything. I was getting things in line in Chas, new apt, work, window displays, a possible two art shows in April, our marketing guy has even taken me under his wing and is putting my name out there to be a freelance photographer. He has contacted 3-4 magazines/newspapers about me. I have heard back from all of them and one has even seen my photos and is really impressed. It looks like I will have some freelance work. Sounds great right. Well this weekend put everything into perspective with the passing of my grandma. It was sudden and for the most part out of the blue. One of the reasons I moved home was to be closer to family. My Italian side of my family is small, but close. This death has been hard, our family has been the same group for so long, there has been no spouses, no babies, and until this weekend no one has left...For the past 5+ years of being away from home, so much of my family has slipped away from me, things have changed, everyone has grown older. I'm not good keeping in contact. And a part of me always feels like something is missing when I am far from home. My oldest cousin was joking with me...."don't you just hate the family sometimes because you feel like you can't just move far away and be alright..." And it's true, a part of me will always be missing when I am far from home.
But I am so grateful for the family I have, and the older I have grown I have become more sentimental about them. I am not sure how my grandpa is going to handle this, and I don't want to get another phone call like that when I am in Charleston. Maybe I need to pull out of Charleston before my work roots get too deep there. Maybe it's time to establish myself in NY...