twenty something twenty everything

I finally crawled under my bed to dig out my book that fell a few weeks ago. My secret santa gave me Twenty Something, Twenty Everything, by Christine Hassler. Kristin was the one who told me about the book. From this first page I can tell it's going to be one of those life-changing books. I knew who I was in high school. Loved my friends, loved playing soccer, had a great up bringing. I guess ever since graduating high school my life has been a little erratic. Mercyhurst for a year, Americorps for a year, home for a few months, Plattsburgh for a few months, and then down to Charleston. And now here I am 25, jobless, living at home, with a B.A. in studio art. Turning 25 is when the panic set in, I had finally graduated and was working in a restaurant far from home. Not really what I had in mind when I was 25, so I moved home. A little over a week ago is when the real anxiety set in, the Holidays were over, my grace period was running out. I was so upset people were asking what was wrong... I think Hassler said it best, nothing is really wrong, but nothing really feels right either...
It appears I am a starving artist going through a twenty-something crisis. I feel like 23yr old Loren "everything in her life seems out of control, as if she were standing in the middle of a circle with every aspect of her life that she loves (such as her family) and everything she is searching for (such as a career) spinning wildly around her. I am trying to grab on to anything but it keeps slipping through my fingers."
I feel older for the first time in my life, and I feel the need to have it all. I am acting like my next step may have life-long consequences. My friend Sara made me realize I am planning my next 6-18 months, not my life. I think this book will really help me not feel so alone and clueless. Lately I even feel like the the first time my best friend and I are not on the same page, she's living with her fiance and going to grad school. To me even that feels miles ahead of where I am. Going to Charleston will be alright, and staying here will be alright. Just making a final decision this week will put me at ease.
In other news, I bought paint today to paint my family room, and my father has commissioned me for a small art project. Regardless of where I end up, or what I end up doing, I need to find ways to create art, and feel inspired to keep me balanced and happy, at least that is a start...