day off

Well it's official I am back in the working world, I received a paycheck yesterday (a little paycheck) and I have already worked 30hrs this week. Needless to say I slept in hardcore this morning. I picked up an extra shift Monday night, and last night, it's hard not to when I am trying to get back on my feet. I signed a lease on Tuesday, which I was very hesitant about yet very excited about. I think I will feel better about moving back here when I am in my own place. A bed to call my own, my photos hung on the wall, a cupboard that holds coffee that is not decaf...
Tonight there is an art show at the Tin Roof, featuring some of the underground Charleston artists I have had in my shows, and tomorrow there is a wine tasting so I think my two days off will be well spent.
Time to venture out for coffee, then some laundry and tv shows to catch up on.

Friday night

I had a busy morning, hence the not even midnight and bedtime is on my mind. I work up early to look again at an apt, filled out an application for the apt, then had a mini meeting with some managers, followed by my first serving shift in months, then back to my car to collect the lovely 3 parking tickets. Sweet. It didn't take too much convincing to make a trip to Total Wine tonight. So I have decided a few things, I will be living in Charleston, for possibly up to a year, and in this time I need to set myself up for the next step. I want to look into possibly being certified to teach, and I have also been thinking about Interior Design again, as a masters or just as a certificate. I have been job hunting and coming across interior design jobs, or visual management, or design coordinator...all of which intrigue me. I heard that my friend in the Roc, had an interview at Pottery Barn to be like a visual manager, I am not gonna lie I am a little jealous, and need to discuss this job with him.
I have an interview at Baked tomorrow, they are looking for a part-time barista, a skill I have always wanted to have on my resume, seeing as I want to open a cafe some day. So we will see how part time they are talking, I could definitely use another paycheck. And piggybacking on Kal, my summer trip will either be Cali or Chicago...(maybe both?)

optimistic in the a.m

I swear waking up early in the morning, really makes the day seem like it has more possibility. (crazy concept I know) I slept on James Island last night after hanging at a friends place, the late night thunder storm made me not want to drive home. I went to bed late, I woke up early and for the most part have kept going. I looked at an apt today, it was so freaking cute, it didn't hurt that its current tenant is an Interior Designer with her own business, sure enough she took a shitty apt and made it cute. Down falls include no washer/dryer, and no dishwasher, but the upsides are a good price in a great area, it's on the second floor, set back from the street, it has a semi-private porch, great views and it's just girly and cute! The problem is my potential roommate works like 12 hr days, and I'm still unsettled and I'm afraid someone else will get it. I might call the landlord and see if I can set a date for a lease signing, for like Mon...so I can get my name in, and not fully commit til Mon.
(yeah I know I don't live in the real world, but my world is so much more flexible to my needs!)
Oh and I am feeling ballsy today after talking to some people. I am going to arrange a meeting with the GM, and I am not going to take no for an answer. Before I get on the schedule I need to make sure this move works financially for me right off the bat, I need to know if I would need a second job or if starting next week I will be making what he promised. I need answers! And it's about time I grew up and took my life into my own hands.

City Lights

City Lights is by far one of my favorite places in Charleston. It's small, sometimes cramped but so cute, with delicious coffee, an excellent place for people watching, art on the walls, live music, and great people who work there. I just enjoy it. I have spent much time here contemplating life! This week I have found myself reflecting on "do what you have to do" that seems to be the exact phrase everyone in my family (mom, sister, cousins) have been echoing in my ear. And for the first time in my life I understand that aspect, but do I stay in Charleston where I have a job, but will be struggling to get by for the first few months, with rent, and loans, and bills, not to mention all the driving i am doing in all this traffic I feel like I am watching my gas race down to empty...or do I move back, live at home (rent free, security deposit free) and get a job serving tables and work towards saving money instead of scraping to get by. hmmmmmmmmmmm. There is two sides to every story isn't there. Yin and Yang, my friend Yin and Yang, and I can't seem to find the balance.
Oh and rumor has it (notice how it is always rumor because no one seems to want to talk directly to me) that I am being put on the schedule next week...I'm still annoyed, and at this point have to do what is best for me, and if that's leaving, well I guess that sucks for them.
For now I will enjoy my coffee, and some music.

blah

I am upset at the Bachelor, all along he was making the right decisions until last night. I almost don't want to watch anymore, I don't think either of the last two are good for him, but it sounds like the finale will be a good one. That has been my life, watching the Bachelor find the missing part of his. Work last night, made me question staying here. I was stressed out trying to figure out how I am going to financially move back, I'm annoyed that I have been here a week and still don't feel settled in staying down here, and then I went into work last night and got a reaction I was not expecting. I know it was stress related, and miscommunication, and I should not take it personal, but in a way I still will. Anyway I'm tired of sitting around and waiting on him. I'm going to start collecting my things...
The friend I am going to live with if I stay is pretty set on the apt we looked at yesterday, it's pretty ghetto from the outside but pretty nice, and pretty huge on the inside, but I'm not sure that the stress in the first few months is going to be worth it. I seem to have already lost my enthusiasm for being back, and I am not sure I will be able to get it back. I feel disconnected with Charleston, so that might be the sign that I am ready to leave it all behind me.

work.

So tomorrow night I am working...yes it's weird to say after 3+ months of unemployment. It happened a little weird, one manager has already asked me to cover his shift. So I am still not on the schedule. I am relieved to actually go to work, but I am left with a strange desire to get in my car and just drive, drive away, drive all the way back to NY, tonight! I have serious commitment issues, I am well aware.

like coffee from a stranger

Yesterday while standing in line at the Starbucks at a Barnes and Noble, a complete stranger bought my coffee for me, I barely had time to react when I realized what was happening that he wished me an early Valentines and rushed out the door. It really made me day, it really is the little things. It has motivated me to do little random acts of kindness. To support the little things in life.

Still in Charleston, feeling out the same water, big toe in, big toe out...repeat.
I feel like I am always waiting, and I'm sick of waiting, but it's hard to go after something that you don't know. How can I go after what I want when I haven't figured it out yet. The time is coming. My pluses for the day I sold three prints today to a friend, it was rewarding, she was really happy with the prints and was giving one to her boyfriend for Valentines. I sabotage my relationships so I am glad I helped her give the perfect gift. Saw He's Just Not that Into You...I haven't laughed that much at a movie in forever. I really enjoyed it. Just hopefully I won't use it to over analyze even more but I fear it is too late.
Goodnight to this not wonderful but pretty decent Valentines Day.

Hello Charleston!

Charleston did greet me with sunny days and perfect 60 degrees weather. I've been a little shady, slightly avoiding the restaurant. Apparently there is a lot of talk about me, and the plans they have for me, which of course scares me. I have serious commitment issues. I want to be a free spirit and come and go as I please, but my rooted bills beg to differ with my head in the clouds. Pizza is not my passion, but it is a good job, it has room for growth if I desire...I do have this strange love with the company...
it's hard to grow up and have your dreams crash into reality...I can't seem to merge the two. I've been thinking about Providence lately, I would move back to that city, but the question remains do I want to commit myself to Chas, for a year. Which in the big picture is not long, but for a 25yr old unsettled college grad, it seems like a life-time. I'm just not sure I want to stay here but I feel like I am already in too deep so maybe I should just go with it. And then there is the boy in Myrtle. I really think I ran away up north and left some baggage down here, that I am not ready to deal with. Well I am going to finish my iced coffee at City Lights. (I did miss this place) And I am going to put on my grown-up pants and head to Mellow. Not sure where my head is but I can't keep avoiding it. It's strange the two managers pushing me to be on the schedule are the two who are planning on leaving/cutting back... I am a little nervous they may just put me on it, which would be the typical not having to make a decision,decision.
stay tuned to the unstable mess that is my life. Will I stay or will I flee...

what are you passion about...

We all know by now, I am unemployed with lots of time to sit around and think. According to my twentysomething book, that is a good thing, to take time for yourself, to really get to know yourself and what you want out of life. Not gonna lie it's hard and it kind of sucks, I just want to be working around the clock and not focus on myself. But in reality, that won't make me happy, living out someone else's dream, the way I see it life is too short to not live out your passion. (something about watching the Bachelor makes me want to live passionately, find a career I am passionate about, find a person I am passionate about, have a life I am passionate about, I'm twentysomething and I want it all) The problem is I haven't quite figured out what I am passionate about doing...there's no doubt two of my passions are art and traveling. I want to work hard around the clock so I can take a two week vacation somewhere I have never been before. I want to have art in my daily life, but what aspect of it...art teacher, interior designer, art buyer, art curator. I have secretly been regretting giving up on going to school for interior design, I think there would have been a lot more I could have done with it than what I had originally thought. I had an unfortunate realization last night that I went to college for an absolutely worthless major. Studio Art, with no minor is worthless, and even worse is my concentration was in photography, b&w in the darkroom. We are in 2009, darkrooms are pretty much extinct. Maybe my passion could be teaching the lost art of the magic of a darkroom...
Upon my many debates to be an art teacher or not, I have found I am not inspired by cold schools, drab colors, cold tile floors, a lack of sunshine and fresh air, so I thought it would be fun to get an artist grant to feng shui schools, well Kleinman enlightened me that there is a program in NYC, Publicolor. It sounds amazing, granted NYC is expensive...and it can eat a person alive, however they are only hiring for Saturdays.
I think I would love to do something like that.
I guess this week I have been questioning the whole move back down south. Am I passionate about MM, and Chas. Do I want to spend another year of my life focusing my energy there? Or do I find a whatever job here, so I can save up money and travel, to Europe, to San Fran, Seattle, Portland, Vancouver, Chicago...etc etc etc And maybe along with way I will find my passion. Some many questions, so little time, so very few answers...

DianaF+

Kal's photos inspired me to break out my Diana F+, and figure out what I was doing wrong with it.
I wasted about 6 photos (out of 12!) but I finally was able to take my Diana out for a spin. I still have two more rolls to play around with, as well as some other film I can put in my fish eyed camera, or my 35mm. Just because I cannot use my digital I have about 3 other cameras I can use. I hate that I got sucked into the digital world and neglected my film cameras. The 40+degree day also added to my desire to wander around and take some photos. I went to Towpath Coffee (orig Fairport coffee) and had some delicious cinnamon hazelnut coffee, took a few photos in there and read a little.
I am giving myself one more week before I head south, I have some loose ends to tie up, and I need to make sure that this is 100% what I want to do. I need to be fully able to commit myself to Mellow, and to Chas for another year otherwise I am wasting my time, as well as their time. Another highlight of this Sunday, Bo is whipping up some chicken wing dip in honor of the game! Yum! Go Cards....gotta root for the underdogs!